


late night talks

by SidewaysClarinet



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, General warnings for Yukio and all that he entails, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Sibling Bonding, Takes place post ch 127
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28095819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SidewaysClarinet/pseuds/SidewaysClarinet
Summary: Life is hard for teenage boys with the world on their shoulders. If they don't have each other, then they don't have anyone, and it takes a little vulnerability to realize that
Relationships: Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio
Comments: 12
Kudos: 66





	late night talks

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I wrote this almost like, a day or two after the last chapter drop LOL but I forgot to post it until now! I hope you all enjoy!

Rin could not sleep.

He knew that there was no reason for it—well, there was a reason, in his opinion, but it certainly wasn’t a logical one. They had been rescued from the wreckage of the Dominus Liminis before the Illuminati could enact their revenge for destroying the damn thing, and Yukio had even been given a (albeit conditional) pardon from his defection because of how much of the destruction could be attributed to him.

(Shura had had a strong hand in that, he knew.)

After days and days of nonstop action and fighting, they were both finally safe. They were in their old dorms, and Yukio was dozing peacefully in the bed across the room from him. His twin brother hadn’t roused in hours, and they were safe within the confines of True Cross.

But still, Rin could not sleep. 

It wasn’t for a lack of trying, of course. He’d been spending the past handful of hours trying to squeeze his eyes shut, aggressively trying to bully his body into relaxing, but he hadn’t gotten a wink. Worst of all was the reason for it all; no matter what he did, every time he closed his eyes, it was like he could see Yukio’s cold face in front of him.  _ ‘I tried committing suicide many times.’ _

It was like the words were engraved into his eardrums, somehow. All he could hear in the silence of the night was his brother’s voice.  _ ‘I’ve wanted to die.’ ‘I tried committing suicide many times.’ ‘...so I’m unreliable, and just want to die.’ _

Shifting uneasily in the sheets of his bed, he dug his fingers into his ears as if somehow that would make the words disappear. It didn’t, of course, and he was left with nothing but vaguely ringing eardrums and the disappearance of what little relaxation he’d been able to snatch. He sighed, dropping his arms to his sides and glaring up at the ceiling.

_ I’d ask you for help, but I bet you’d somehow screw it up even worse than I am,  _ he thought to himself, pretending that Shiro could hear him.  _ You taught him how to use guns but not his goddamn words? _

It was with no real vehemence, of course. It was no wonder that it was so hard for him to talk to Yukio, and vice versa, when Shiro had waited beyond the last minute to even be honest with Yuri. It was a family curse, he decided then, and he knew it was one that he would have to make the first step towards breaking. Yukio had already done his part, and now it was Rin’s turn.

He shifted in bed again, sharp eyes cutting through the darkness to see the outline of Yukio’s body. His brother looked peaceful in sleep, truly peaceful in a way that Rin never really thought to appreciate. Rin knew it would be selfish to wake him when he was finally relaxed for the first time in weeks, maybe months, but… 

A thought occurred to him of finally drifting off to sleep, only to wake up to Yukio’s empty bed. With that, a feeling of anxiety struck him so strongly that he threw the sheets off immediately, keeping his feet quiet as they hit the floor. He padded silently across the room, and as he reached a hand out to Yukio’s shoulder, he hesitated.

He felt silly, waking his twin up because he couldn’t sleep, but he told himself that it was important. Yukio thought he was so strong, and he deserved to see the weakness, too, right?  _ It’s fine,  _ he thought to himself, tail lashing nervously behind him.  _ It’s fine. _

He really only had to lay his hand on Yukio’s shoulder to wake the other boy up, and as soon as Yukio’s bleary, two-toned eyes settled on him, he was second guessing himself. Rin forced a grin, though it fell flat when Yukio only gave him a mildly concerned, mildly irritated look in return.

“What is it?” Yukio asked, voice thick with sleep.

“I, uh…” Rin hesitated, trying to think of the words to say. “...I couldn’t sleep?”

The irritation faded away to bewilderment. “What?”

His tail wrapped tight around his thigh, and Rin huffed, crossing his arms. “Just scootch over, will you?”

Maybe it was just out of surprise, but Yukio did so, watching him with wide eyes as Rin pulled the comforter up and slipped under it. Rin immediately reached his arms out to loop around Yukio’s waist, tugging his brother close enough that Rin’s cheek squished up against where Yukio’s heart thudded beneath his shirt.

For some reason, as soon as he was able to hear Yukio’s heartbeat, the anxiety faded away. It distracted him enough that he hardly noticed Yukio’s awkward shifting until his twin was hesitantly hugging him back. Rin could sense that he was just barely holding back from asking what all the fuss was about, but ignored him. The steady, soft thrum of Yukio’s heartbeat took up all of his attention.

“...nii-san?” Yukio asked, and it was unsettled and quiet enough that it almost sounded like he was just a little kid again. That made Rin snicker, and he loosened his iron-grip on his brother a bit.

“Yeah?”

“What…” To hear Yukio searching for words wasn’t something he was used to. The other boy was always so easily spoken, and always seemed to know exactly what to say. “What’s going on?”

At that, Rin sighed. This was it, wasn’t it? The moment where he was supposed to be open and speak what was on his mind, the moment where he was supposed to close the gap between them. Rin wanted to, but… he needed time to figure out what to say, and so was quiet for a long minute.

“I was worried,” he murmured, eventually. “About you, and... I dunno. I couldn’t sleep.”

Yukio gave a sigh, the same one he always did when he thought Rin was being ridiculous. “I’m not going to run off again, nii-san. You can go to sleep.”

“Not about that,” Rin said, frowning. It wasn’t Yukio’s fault; Rin hadn’t clarified enough. The words were just… well, they were hard, but he supposed it was a bit easier that the angle of their weird embrace made it impossible to make eye contact with his brother. “I don’t- I don’t like it when you’re alone. If I go to sleep, you-”

He stopped with a frustrated huff, glaring down at the darkness of the blankets. How was he supposed to say this aloud? ‘Hey, I’m scared you’re gonna try to kill yourself again while I’m asleep!’ He wouldn’t even blame Yukio for punching him for it, but he didn’t know how to do this. It was only days ago that he’d learned that Yukio had even attempted, and he hadn’t even had the time to process it.

All he had time to do was develop a deep, pervasive fear that Yukio would try again.

“I’ll what?” Yukio asked, softly. 

Rin let his eyes close, trying to fight down the sudden needle prick of tears in his eyes. “I just got you back, Yukio. If I lose you again, I… I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“You think I’m going to-” Yukio stopped, and Rin could hear the incredulousness in his voice. “I’m not- I’m not going to try to kill myself again.”

Ugh, how could he just say it so bluntly? Rin’s expression twisted into a scowl, and he tightened his hold on his brother. “How do I know that?”

It was a petulant complaint, but when he expected Yukio to tell him so, all he got was silence. Rin could feel the tension in his muscles, and after a few seconds passed, the movement of Yukio’s throat as he swallowed. 

“You don’t,” he admitted, to Rin’s surprise.”...sorry.”

At that, Rin frowned again. “Don’t be,” he said, firmly. “You didn’t-”

What? Didn’t do anything wrong? Yukio would have refuted that immediately, and Rin had to acknowledge that yes, his brother had done a few things wrong. Feeling suicidal, however? Yukio wasn’t at fault for that, and never would be. There wasn’t any blame to be assigned in the first place.

“It’s on both of us,” he said, eventually. “But we’ll fix it. Together.”

There was the sound of Yukio’s quiet laugh. “Together.”

It eased the tension still residing in Rin’s body, and he relaxed into the bed, letting the conversation drift off. With his brother safely between his arms, the anxiety that had been gnawing at him finally disappeared. If Yukio were to get up, he couldn’t do it without waking Rin up. There were no chances of him sneaking off.

(There were no chances of him disappearing into the night, utterly lost to the world until his body was discovered.)

A few more minutes passed, and Rin was the closest to sleep that he had been all night. Yukio’s breathing had eased back and slowed down, and Rin knew without seeing that he was probably beginning to drift off as well. In the morning, he’d probably huff and nag at Rin to get up off of him, but for now, Yukio was indulging him, and he was grateful for it. 

Before he could completely close his eyes, another impulse pulled insistently at him. This time, he didn’t hesitate to give into it.

“I love you, Yukio.”

His twin’s breathing hitched a little bit, but Rin was too solidly dozing to really pay it any mind. 

That was, until Yukio spoke again, quiet and subdued.

“I love you too, nii-san.”

It was the best night of sleep either of them had in years.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and criticisms are always appreciated!


End file.
